Taxes, Our Responsibility, Our Right

26. January 2010 · Comments Off · Categories: Our Life Together, Ranting

For over a decade, I have relied on the services of TurboTax for preparation of taxes.  Each year I do Scott’s taxes, my taxes, Gary’s taxes (his are EASY) Dad’s taxes.  I used to do Pam’s taxes.  If I had to do these manually, I’d be stuck up a creek!  By and large, though, with TurboTax, I’ve had it pretty easy.  Not so much for 2009.  I’ll come back to this in a moment.

One of the most resounding lessons I recall learning from my Dad as I was growing up was that, in a land that guarantees us so many rights, it is essential to remember that for every right, there are responsibilities.  We have the right to free speech, but we have the responsibility to exercise that right appropriately (the cliche about yelling FIRE! in a crowded theater comes to mind.)  It was the sense of responsibility for defending those rights that encouraged me to join the US Army.  We have the right to vote, but we have the responsibility to actually DO so, and do so from an informed conscience.  I admit, this last responsibility is one I’ve neglected for a few election cycles.

Scott and I embraced the opportunity afforded to us by the State of Iowa to legally marry.  We did so because of the rights that come to us as a result of that piece of paper, the marriage license.  I never forget, though, that there are responsibilities that come with many, perhaps all, of those rights.

Over the years I hear from friends about this thing called the “marriage penalty” that come at tax time.  This year, I’ve learned it for myself.

First of all, here’s what Scott and I now have to do.  I have to prepare my own individual tax forms, Federal, Nebraska, & Iowa tax forms.  I file as Head of Household because I have, until August of this year, supported Gary.  Then I have to prepare Scott’s tax forms, Federal, Nebraska, & Iowa.  He files Single.  THEN, I have to prepare a third set of tax forms, Federal, Nebraska, & Iowa, combined for Scott and I.

When it comes time to file, I file Scott’s Federal and Nebraska forms, MY Federal & Nebraska forms, and OUR Iowa forms. 

First of all, I find it totally annoying to have to go through that.  But that’s the way it is, with our current laws.  Scott and I are only married, from a mere legal perspective, in Iowa.

Generally every year, Scott and I get refunds from the Federal & Nebraska returns, I get a refund from Iowa, and Scott pays to Iowa an amount roughly equal to his Nebraska refund.

As a result of the joint return for Iowa, we owe Iowa taxes an amount slightly larger than if we were to file all our forms individually.  But, overall, we are only paying combined a little less than if we did individually.  But, looking at all the forms, if we were legally able to file “Married filing Jointly” all three taxes we’d take a hit of about $1,000.00.

So, now I understand the Marriage Penalty my “Het-married” friends are talking about!

And you know what?  When that day comes, I’ll proudly and happily pay that penalty!  Because, the right to be legally married to the person I love, a right denied to us, as second class citizens of the United States of America, is a precious right, and it is one I’ll gladly and proudly take responsibility for… even if it means losing $1,000 or more in refunds.

Let it Snow – NOT

03. January 2010 · 1 comment · Categories: Our Life Together, Stayings at home

Welcome, my friends, family and others, to the year 2010!

Over the past month, we’ve gotten more snow than I can recall in a very long time!  I do remember more… but I was a kid then!  I think it was the winter of 1970/71.  My cousin and I and some friends were able to dig tunnels in the snow from one side of our house to the other, all through our back yard.  I remember having little rooms off the tunnel.  It was great!

Back in October, the local weather personality predicted that over the course of the winter we’d have something like 30 inches of snow.  Boy, was HE wrong!

Back in October, we had our first snow.  It should have been a warning to us!  That first snow dropped 6 inches on us. I think the forecast was for 2.

Then, in November, nothing.

December started out cold, but dry.  Then, on the 12th, we got our first BIG snow fall… 12 inches in just under 24 hours.  The drifts in our driveway were huge!  And of course, our snowthrower failed to start so we had to dig out by hand.  We did just enough to get the car out so Scott could go to work.  Fortunately, the next day, we were able to get the thrower started and finish off the driveway.  The next two weeks were cold, no melting whatsoever occurred.

As Christmas approached, we were warned that we’d get another big snow.  It began Christmas Eve with driving snow.  It was really beautiful to watch, but both Scott and I had to be out driving in it.  By December 26th, we had received another 12 inches of snow!

So, by the new year, we had accumulated 24 inches of snow in the area. This presents a bit of a problem for the Hays-Strom family.  Much of our driveway is sunken in relationship to the rest of the yard, so snow must be tossed up over then retaining walls.  Not a problem for our snow thrower… in normal years.  But the snow fall this year is not normal.  Having a pile of snow in our front yard that is knee deep, on top of a retaining wall that is from 12 inches to 18 inches high means that the snow from the driveway had to be thrown up… a long way!

The last thing we need now is more snow!  Fortunately, as Saturday dawned the weatherman was telling us we would only have a light dusting of snow overnight.

So, this morning, I awake, look outside and my jaw dropped.  That light dusting of snow amounted to an additional 4 inches!  We didn’t have time to do any shovelling before church this morning, so we resolved to clear the driveway when we got home.

Unfortunately, returning home at 2 p.m. we couldn’t even get to within a block of our house… there was an accident up the street, and the police had our road blocked.  Parking the truck, we trudged through the snow to our driveway… to discover it was blocked.  The accident literally occurred right in front of our house.  A red pickup driving up Harrison with a man, his wife and his child, slowed as a white pickup came SPEEDING down Harrison, and swerved in to the wrong lane to go around a snow plow stuck in front of our house (on the other side of the street) and plowed – at speed – in to the oncoming red truck.  By the time we got home, the woman and the child in the red truck had been taken to the hospital (we’ve been told it was precautionary, that both were ok).  The twerp in the white truck … well, I’ll keep my opinion to myself!

Scott and I spent a couple of hours getting our driveway cleared, with help from the young man across the street who has a bigger snow thrower than us!

And they’re telling us we might be expecting up to 10 more inches of snow in the next several days.

I wanna move.

Someplace warm.

Mercury sounds pretty good, right now.

Austerity Revisited

02. December 2009 · Comments Off · Categories: Our Life Together, Spirituality

Well, here’s something to add to the previous post.

As most of you know, last Spring, Scott enrolled to take college courses at UNO where he works.  He’s seeking to complete his bachelor’s degree, and plans to pursue graduate work in Archeology.  As an employee of the University, Scott gets a discount on his tuition and other expenses associated with his education.

When I got word at the dealership this a.m. about the brakes, I sent him a brief text message giving him the bad news.

So, just now I got a new text message from Scott.  He tells me HE has paid for the brake work.  It seems that even though he’s an employee, apparently the University made a mistake.  They listed him as a Non-Resident of Nebraska, and as anyone with knowledge of college expenses knows, that equates to higher tuition.

However, there is an agreement that give residents of Pottawattamie County, Iowa, the same tuition rates as a resident of Nebraska (I think a few other counties over here get that as well.)

The University admin has discovered their mistake, and are reimbursing him $800 for the summer semester!

Of course, that $800 pays for the brake work.  I find the coincidence of the timing rather interesting.  Discovered and remedied on the same day as unexpected expense.

Some might say that is not a miracle and that the timing is merely fortuitous.  But I have learned over 5 decades that it is precisely in the fortuitous that miracles are to be found.  Sure, every now and then a miracle occurs that simply transcends the capability of science and reason to explain.  I suppose spitting in the dust, and using the resultant mud to cure lifelong blindness is one of the latter.  But I have discovered that far more often miracles CAN be explained by both science and reason.  It’s the fortuitousness of the occurrence that makes it a miracle and that proves to me God’s hand is involved.

Yes, I’d love a BIG miracle.  An army of angels setting up camp in my front yard would be nice.  The sudden appearance of a ton (as in specifically 2000 pounds – 32,000 ounces) of gold in my living room would be mighty nice, too.  Perhaps coming home to discover that a brand spanking new house has miraculously appeared where my 1910 Bungalow now stands… yeah, pretty awesome.  An overnight breakout of world-wide peace and the sudden end of all drought, resulting in the complete end of world hunger, coupled with the immediate disappearance of all forms of disease – those would be even BETTER “Big” miracles.

But, that’s really not how life generally happens, is it?  It’s the sudden appearance of $800 when $800 is needed, even though it comes from a totally mundane and easily explained source…. Those are the kind of miracles I tend to expect.  God never seems to let us down.

Thank you God!

Austerity

02. December 2009 · Comments Off · Categories: Our Life Together

As we enter the 11th month without a job, Scott and I have started to look at how we can reduce expenses.  Over the past year we’ve slowly been cutting our expenses, buying less, taking time to evaluate need versus nice to haves, that kind of thing.  But now it’s time to roll up our sleeves and knuckle down to cost cutting where possible.

The first thing we looked at was our utilities.  There really isn’t a lot of savings to be had in the water/sanitation department.  Sanitation is a fixed rate for all residents of the city, anyhow.  Water we’ll work on, but we don’t expect a huge saving there either.  We’ll be more careful to see to it that the dishwasher is totally full before washing.  Same for laundry.  We’ll pay on time (if we pay by a given date each month, we save about 10%).  But again… our water bill is only about $25 a month.

The electric bill was the next to be evaluated.  Over the past 3 years, we’ve been converting all our lights to the newer style fluorescent bulbs that are supposed to last longer and use far less electricity.  We’ll keep that up, even though the bulbs are a lot more expensive… they last longer so it evens out.  About all we can do here is to recommit to making sure no lights are left on when we are not in the room.  Frankly I’m the worst offender here.  Lights on the main floor and upstairs are no problem.  I’m very good at turning those off when I leave a room.  But the basement is a different story.  I go down there for a purpose… namely, to do laundry or get a tool.  When I come back up, my hands are usually full.  The light by the washing area frequently gets left on all day.  Once upstairs it’s easy to forget it’s on.  No more.  I’m going to make a huge effort to get those turned off.  I’m thinking about getting one of those motion sensor switches.  It’ll turn the lights on automatically as I head downstairs, then after 15 or 30 minutes will shut them off.  It’s worth looking into.

The gas bill was next.  This will be a little easier to cut down.  We’ve traditionally kept the thermostat set at 73 to 74 in the winter.  Because of Gary’s issues, we’ve liked to keep the house a little warmer, and frankly, I enjoy it warmer too, in winter.  But not now.  We’ve set the thermostat to 68 for December.  When January hits, I may well drop it down to 66.  In turn, we bought Gary a warmer comforter for his bed… well, HE bought the warmer comforter.  We gave him our electric heater from the camper, but have asked him to only use it when it gets too cold for him.  I’ve committed to washing our clothes in cold water, only using hot or warm for certain loads.  We hope to see the greatest savings in the gas department.

Next we hit the Cox Cable bill.  Cox provides our TV, Internet and telephone.  We turned off our land line.  Saved something around $35 per month.  We cancelled HBO, Showtime & Cinemax.  Another $25.  And we’ve had two old converters setting around for far too long which will save another $10.

Verizon was next, our cell phone carrier.  I had hoped to drop the data service, and just use our Blackberries as phones, but Verizon won’t let us.  We would have to turn them in and get new, less functional phones.  I use my blackberry for a lot… calendar, notes, info on Dad, and a heck of a lot more.  But I did turn off the annoying “Voice2Text” feature that converted all my voice mail into text messages.  If the caller had good enunciation, that was great.  But it had to be impeccable enunciation!  I’d get messages like “Sky Derrick hits Marlborough. Can you come church the cow broken. (???) chairs charity (???)”

That translated to: “Hi Eric, it’s Carla.  Can you come to the church now?  One of our vendors spilled tar on the stairs, and they’re dirty.  They need to be cleaned.”  And just so you know, Carla has pretty good enunciation! 

We also cancelled the insurance on the two phones.  So we’ll end up saving maybe $25 there.

Finally, we took a look at our grocery and dining out expenses.  Oh, my goodness.  When I look at the trends over the past 11 months in groceries and restaurants, it’s hard for me to see how I’ve lost weight (a good thing, of course) or how everyone else has stayed thin!  We actually spent over $1000 in one month, though most months were down around $700.  For three people.  That’s just ridiculous.  Over all, in the past 10 months, we averaged $23 a day in combined groceries and eating out.  We set a budget of $70 a week for all three of us.  Hopefully we can stay with that!

One of the reasons for high grocery bills for us was we bought groceries daily for that night’s dinner.  And Scott has LOTS of meetings at church, so we tend to eat BAD food on those nights.  No more.  We’re shopping for 2 weeks at a time, now, and Scott gets to take leftovers on days he is going to be home late.  Our first shopping trip on the new plan, for food for next two weeks, we did quite well!  $105 for the two weeks.  How it turns out, however, remains to be seen.  I imagine we’ll need to supplement here and there (we’re already out of milk, and running low on bread.)  Still $35 for two weeks of incidentals ought to do it.

And then… our austerity program comes crashing down.  Like a house of cards, one of the bottom cards gets pulled out, and WHOOSH!  The whole thing collapses.

This week we had to do a bunch of vehicle servicing.  The camper needed winterizing.  That was expected (and actually budgeted for).  The pickup needed an oil change… that’s okay.  Today, it’s the Buick’s turn.  It also needs an oil change… in fact it’s way overdue (2+ months overdue).  That’s okay.  Still within our new budget guidelines.  Then, they drop the hammer.  Over the past month, we’ve noticed the brakes were deteriorating… they were mushy.  When we stepped on the brakes at anything over 35 miles an hour they… I don’t know how to describe it, really… they pushed back… They’re anti-lock brakes and you could REALLY feel the pulsing of the brakes.  We never had problems stopping… but it just was rough.

And that’s because both the front AND the rear brakes are completely shot.  Rotors are all but gone.  We need NEW rotors, new brakes.  Not counting the oil (and air filter) service, we’re facing over $600 of brake work.

So, December ain’t gonna be so austere, after all… well, actually, yes, it WILL be austere.  But not cheap.

Labor Day

08. September 2009 · Comments Off · Categories: Our Life Together

It’s been a little too long since I posted last.  There’s really no reason.  I just haven’t felt too much like posting!

Throughout the summer, I’ve been working on trying to find a new job.  Of course, I’ve also had a little health concern, but it turned out to be pretty minor.  At the time, though it was extremely scary!  In July, I had an episode of pericarditis that was extremely painful, and sent me to the ER to find out what was going on.

Then, of course, was the trip to Wyoming for Rendezvous which I wrote about in 6 postings early in August.  Late August, everyone in the family had a run-in with the summer cold, but that too is pretty well over and done with.

This past weekend, the Labor Day weekend, Scott and I joined 2 of our best friends, Royal and Jonathan, for a camping excursion.  We were joined by two other men, friends of Royal and Jonathan.  I’d like to hope that now they’re our friends as well. 

We picked a local state park, actually the Louisville State Recreation Area down along the shores of the Platte River, in Louisville, Nebraska.  The park was packed, as you’d expect over the Labor Day Weekend.  There are at least 255 campsites at this park, most of which are for RVs.  We chose to leave the trailer in storage and do a little old fashioned tent camping in one of the tent restrictive sites.  Scott and I guessed that there were probably over 1000 people camping.

We set up our compound  over two sites; our compound consisted of our three tents and a dining fly.  Most of the weekend was spent sitting around the campfire.  James and Phillip did a bit of fishing and bike riding.  Royal retreated to his tent periodically to do some reading.  Jonathan jogged, or tended the fire, or swam.  Scott and I just sat around, either napping or chatting.

Other friends came down to visit from time to time, Carla & Sharon, Frank & Kent – with Frank’s Mom.  Marcus came for a visit, as did Michael. 

It was a nice, lazy way to spend the weekend, just reconnecting, somewhat, with nature.  I didn’t take any pictures, but I’ll bet the others did.  I’ll see if I can’t update this blog later with some of those photos!

saturday

11. July 2009 · Comments Off · Categories: Eric's Life, Our Life Together, Ramblings

Well, there’s still nothing happening on the job front.  There’s a tiny little ripple… we’ll see.

Scott and I had a great time at his family reunion last week.  I had hoped to blog about it while there but really there wasn’t much time.  The Hays Family Reunion differs from my own family reunions in that at the HFR, a room is reserved, generally a meeting type space, for everyone to gather.  And about 7:30 a.m. that’s just what the family does… they gather in the room, drink coffee, and chat.  They get caught up with each others lives.  About noon, we all mosey on up to the hotel’s restaurant for lunch, then afterwards stroll back down to the meeting room.

Little units drift off to one of the attractions Branson has to offer, but the core family stays in the meeting room, little circles forming at this table or that.  Conversation continues over a game of dominoes… or wahoo… or a puzzle… or a card game.  Or any of a number of different games.  We sit and chat.

Then around 5 different groups break off and go find dinner somewhere.  By 6:30 or 7 we’re all back together, chatting.  Playing.  This goes on for 2 days.  Towards the end of Saturday, we do pictures.  Pictures of each family.

The Hays Family Reunion is made up of the descendants of Merle & Ethel (Drumgoole) Hays.  There are 8 siblings remaining, children of Merle & Ethel.  These 8 siblings, along with their children and grand-children… and yes great grand-children are who make up the HFR.

So, on Saturday night, we take 9 pictures.  One picture of the 8 siblings, and one each of the families of each of the 8 children.  Did I say 9 pictures?  Well, what really happens is a bank of cameras take pictures.  So you generally have to sit for a photo while up to 20 photographers each take 3 or 4 pictures!  This year, Scott’s mother, Louise… Barb… (her name is Barbara Louise, and you’ll find folks at the reunion calling her either of those names) or Mudder as most of her family call her, asked me to join in the family picture.  Yay!  She said there were two reasons… one was that she’d looked back at all the pictures from the previous 10 years and realized I wasn’t in any of the pictures, and she figured it was wrong.  And the second reason?  Well… just as she was about to tell me, someone came along and interrupted, and I never did learn what it was!

On Sundays, family units start heading home.  The morning gathering has bout 2/3s of the family… then, little by little, the number goes down.  We have lunch, more people leave.  By mid-afternoon, there’s maybe 3 of the siblings, and their families still gathered.  By night, it was Scott and I, Mudder & Pops, Terry, Eleanor and Bethany, and oh-oh… Virgil and Alice, that’s right.

Terry’s a strange creature… she’s Bruce’s wife.  She was driver for Mudder & Pops and the girls.  At midnight we all went to bed.  At 2 a.m., she loaded up her charges and they all headed for Alamogordo.  Scott and I slept until 6, then loaded up and headed home.

I started off this post to tell what I’ve been doing this week, not about the reunion!  Frankly, the reunion is more interesting.

Just before leaving for the reunion, I bought a new trimmer for the yard.  So this week, I mowed the front yard.  Then I ran the trimmer around it.  It’s an electric trimmer, battery powered.  Came with two batteries.  One charger.

All the basic trimming got done Tuesday.  But, I’ve been putting in 2 hours a day of work on the front yard… that’s how long it takes to deplete the power in the two batteries, and in me.  Those who have seen my house may… or may not… remember that my driveway and front sidewalk has cracks in them.  And through those cracks grow weeds.  Pulling those weeds can be a daunting job… Scott and I once spent nearly 10 hours pulling them, and by the end of the day my fingers and his were raw and bleeding from abrading against the concrete.  Consequently, we don’t do it often… a mistake, I know.

So this week, for two hours a day, I’ve hacked away at those weeds with the trimmer until the batteries are too feeble to do anything but blow the leaves of the weeds around.  I have one stretch of sidewalk left to do… about 8 feet in all.  One 2 hour day’s work.  And then what?

I’ll do it again.  But first, we’ll be applying poison to the cracks.  And when stuff is dead, we’ll seal those cracks with tar.  Or something.  And then what?

It’ll be time for the back yard…. screeeeeeeech!  wait, I forgot!

After this weekend, I’ll be taking on the scraping of the front of the house… well, the trim anyhow.  I want to repaint the trim on the front of the house this coming week… it badly needs it.

Actually the whole house needs a paint job.  Just before they put it on the market, the previous owners spray painted the house a dusty blue.  I loved the color.  But, they used cheap paint.  Over the decade we’ve owned the house, the paint has faded, and washed away a bit, and now the house is dusty blue with the white underlayer showing through in many places.  But they ain’t no muny to buy house paint, so it’ll have to wait.  But the trim just can’t!

Dad wants to come over and help.  So, after an emergency dentist visit on Monday, I think that may just be what we do!

Toodles, all!

interlude

01. July 2009 · 1 comment · Categories: Our Life Together, Our Travels, Spirituality

Hi little world of mine!

Scott and I had a wonderful trip last week!

A long time ago… 17 years to be exact… MCC Omaha moved in to the building where we now meet.  The partner of the man who was the pastor of MCC Omaha at the time was a master carpenter (hmmmm….)  In honor and “for the greater glory of God” of the occasion, he built MCC Omaha a beautiful altar and matching pulpit.  It served our congregation well for a long time.  But about 4 years ago, our worship style started to change from a “high church” type of service with lots of liturgy, and where liturgy was prime, to a bit of a “lower church” setting… namely a service where worship took on a different role, with less focus on the liturgy.

IMG00001 IMG00002

The need for a large altar and pulpit lessened… we needed a smaller altar.  And we no longer needed a pulpit at all.  Our pastor prefers not to preach from a pulpit but to walk out amongst the congregation.  I digress.  The stately altar and pulpit were dismantled by myself and a couple of helpers, and found it’s way in to storage… split up between church facilities and Scott’s and my storage unit.  We (the church collectively) set out to find a new home for this furniture.

Eventually, a new home was found in Great Falls, Montana.  There is a long line of support between the two locations – Omaha and Great Falls – and the two cities have shared heritages.  Both are on the Missouri River, both were visited by, and have interest in, the Lewis & Clark expedition.  But, of course, there was a problem.  The two units were VERY large, and VERY heavy.  While each could be broken down into 4 pieces, each piece required two persons to carry it (ok, 4 of the pieces can be carried by 1 person, but just barely!)  How do 2 financially strapped congregations get these units to their new home?  The answer was to be personal delivery!

And so, on Sunday, June 21, the 8 pieces of the altar and pulpit came together one last time.  Pastor Tom preached a final sermon that Sunday from the stately pulpit.  He pounded on it as any good fire and brimstone preacher ought… and promptly startled himself by the noise!  Then, Wednesday night (June 24th), at our weekly ReCharge! service, we gathered to dedicate these two items to a new purpose, the service of a sister congregation.  At communal prayer time, we prayed for the intentions, not of our own people, but of the wonderful people of Great Falls.  At communion, we went forward, received communion, then each, one at a time, walked up and laid hands first on the altar, then on the pulpit.  Our pastor anointed the altar and the pulpit, and then anointed 4 individuals, Scott, Carla, Sharon and myself.  And finally we read from 1 Thessalonians… in a slightly different way:

Paul, Silas and Timothy, To the church of the Thessalonians .. No!  MCC Omaha, to the church in Montana, MCC Montana… in God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ:
Grace and peace to you.
We always thank God for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers. We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.

After the service, the altar and pulpit were once again dismantled, and each piece lovingly wrapped in plastic.  They were loaded on to Scott’s and my truck, and 2 pieces were loaded on to Carla & Sharon’s truck.

On Thursday morning, Scott, Carla, Sharon and I set off to drive the 1100 miles to Great Falls, Montana.  It was a BEAUTIFUL trip.  Hot, of course.  Humid, oh yes!  At least until we arrived in Sheridan, Wyoming, where we spent the night.  From then on the humidity was less potent.

The drive itself was unremarkable.  We made good time.  We encountered no storms… which was good.  Because though wrapped lovingly in plastic, that plastic did not survive the ravages of wind!  Before we even got out of Iowa into South Dakota, the plastic on those items packed in our truck was shredded, flapping in the wind!

In Sheridan, we covered the truck bed with a tarp.  It lasted exactly 1/2 of a mile before blowing off.  We stopped, retied it, better this time.  And by the time we’d arrived in Billings, Montana, the tarp too was shredded.  And it was beginning to rain.  So, we stopped in at the Home Depot, and I bought the super duper ultra heavy duty vinyl tarp.  That made it about 50 miles up the road before IT TOO was shredded!  Fortunately, we encountered no more rain, and everything and everyone arrived safely in the church in Montana.

Saturday morning, we unloaded, reassembled the altar and pulpit.  Then, we went sight-seeing!

Sunday we attended worship with our new friends.  We assisted in their own “setting the altar” ceremony, a very moving ceremony to me.  As we began the service, both the altar and the pulpit were barren.  Then, their worship leader read the following as each item was processed in by a member of the congregation:

*  *  *  *  *

The altar linens are red, because red is a color of celebration and passion.  We remember the passion of our Lord Jesus Christ as we celebrate and accept the generous gift given in love by our friends in Omaha.

The candles used in the first services of MCC in Great Falls were these stained glass replica candle holders.  We bring these to this altar in order to remember our roots and where we came from. [Note from Eric – this is where I started tearing up]

The original cup and plate used in MCC Great Falls were these simple pottery pieces.  They are now cracked and chipped and remind us of the wandering in the desert of our spiritual ancestors.  Their temple tent was packed up and moved and reset at each new camp.  Our church met in the Performing Arts Center and each Sunday everything had to be unpacked and set up and at the close of service, it all had to be re-packed, much like the Israelites did in the desert.

The crystal cups are a blessing from a couple in this church who dared to dream that some day, we would have a better church building and then persevered and realized this dream when we moved in to this building.

[At this time, a faint drumming could be heard.] From our Native American sisters and brothers we bring forth a drum.  This helps us to keep centered and balanced spiritually.

The eagle feather symbolizes spiritual vision in the Native tradition.  Let this remind us of our dreams for this church and its outreach to everyone who has been left out of other spiritual traditions.

The sage smudge is to ask for protection over this altar, pulpit, building and congregation.  The old altar is smudged first and then the new altar to help transfer the spiritual balance to the new altar.  These two altars will share the same spiritual energy.

[For those who might not know, smudging is akin to incensing… Steven, a member of their congregation, and a member of the Blackfeet tribe, came forward with another man who was carrying an abalone shell with sweet sage burning in it.  Steven used an eagle feather to “fluff'” or smudge the smoke from the burning sage towards the old altar (set up in the back of the church)  then towards the congregation as they processed up, and then, on arriving in front of the church, all around the new altar and the new pulpit.]

*  *  *  *  *

And then at noon, we immediately started the trip home.

We drove until midnight, arriving in Scottsbluff, Nebraska.  Monday, we left at 8 a.m., and arrived at church at 5:30, in time to attend our CLM class.

And that’s the end… except this is all interlude!

Tomorrow, Scott and I are driving to Branson, Missouri, for the Hays Family Reunion!

I sure hope to blog from there!

introducing mr hays-strom

15. June 2009 · 3 comments · Categories: Our Life Together

Sigh… I let far too much time pass since my last post.  No excuses, really.  I started several in that time, mostly journaling assignments from my CLM class… problem was that they led into aspects of life that I’m not comfortable sharing with a larger community.  So they never got posted!

During this same period, Scott and I’ve been planning and preparing for a wedding.  Those of you who’ve read for years… in fact, since most of my readers are also close friends or family and are therefore intimately knowledgeable of my life… know that this was actually number 3!  But this one was special in ways that the previous 2 were not.

First of all, our Holy Union in 1997 which is what Scott and I consider to be our marriage before God, if not in the eyes of society/government, was only attended by our friends from church.  And many of those friends are gone now, either have left our church for another and are hence out of our life or have passed to their eternal home.  Very little of our family knew about me, though those who did and were able were present.

Our marriage in 2007 in Canada was wonderful for us.  For the first time we felt as though the greater society was part of our actions… but there were no long term friends or family in attendance.  It was a civil/religious ceremony that we felt was essential.  There IS something special bestowed on a relationship that words cannot convey when not only church but state as well recognizes a couple’s relationship.  It’s impalpable, inexplicable, but it’s there.  And there we would have been content to leave it.

Now, here we are in 2009.  Iowa legalizes same-sex marriages.  We’re absolutely blown away.  Others anticipated this.  I was caught totally by surprise!  Previous posts, however, tell why we made the decision to get married this past weekend.  Go read them!

I am now Mr. Eric Hays-Strom!

Saturday night was, well, spectacular!  Saturday dawned rainy and overcast.  Scott and I had several errands to run and so we started off relatively early to get them done.  We got wet… well, damp really… a couple of times.  We began to be a bit concerned about what the evening would be like.  Our chosen site, Castle Unicorn in/near Pacific Junction, Iowa (which in turn is near Glenwood, IA) is an outdoor venue.  There was shelter, but it’s far enough from the spot we chose for the ceremony itself, that had the skies opened on us during the ceremony, we’d have been quite wet by the time we got to shelter.

We needn’t have worried.  As we drove down to Castle Unicorn, the grey skies lifted and we were left with a stunningly beautiful blue sky with white and dark grey clouds scudding (I like that word) along.  The green of the trees and grass, with the red brick of the castle itself, and then the Missouri River Valley stretching out below to the west and south was just amazing, forming a “fairy tale-esque” backdrop to the ceremony itself.

We are so blessed, Scott and I, to have royalty amongst our friends.  Or, should I say royaldy?  Royal D. Bush, that is (fortunately no relationship to those other Bushes).  Anyhow, Royal D and his wonderful husband Jonathan asked us early in the planning stages to please call on them for anything we might need.  Well, two weeks before our wedding, we attended two other friends big Bash!  They were each celebrating their birthday AND their anniversary… and Royal and Jon put on the reception for that party.  They did such a wonderful job of it, that Scott and I approached them about doing OUR reception.  Oh.My.Gosh.  Our reception was incredible!  I’ll try to get pictures of it as soon as possible!

Another friend, Linda, baked us a beautiful cake!  I could have eaten the whole thing myself!

And other friends, Ray Page and our ‘sister’ Karla, took our cameras and became our photographers.  We’re still sorting through the photos, so you’ll have to check back later for those.

And of course, our friend, and our Pastor, Tom Emmett performed the ceremony, and took care of all those little and big details.  And he certainly made this moment in time the best experience we’ve had.

But what wedding is without it’s moments… those “little” things that go wrong?  The groom tripping over a step, or someone stepping on the bridal veil causing the poor bride’s dress to rip?  No, the groom didn’t trip, and no, the bride didn’t wear a dress or have one torn…. then again, there wasn’t a bride, per se!  No, our little embarrassing moment came well in to the ceremony as we approached the vows.  My tuxedo pants… which fit SO well at the fitting on Thursday night… now were too loose.  WAY too loose.  I felt them sliding down my hips.  I finally had to do a MAJOR adjustment as they were just seconds from dropping to my ankles!  While that would have been just utterly horrible, it was embarrassing enough.  My white tuxedo coat provided, I’m sure, a fantastic contrast to the color of my face at that moment, matching in intensity the burgundy of the vest and tie, as I grabbed by pants and hitched them to where they belonged.

Warning to those preparing for a wedding… AFTER getting fitted for your tux is NOT a good time to take up jogging!  Nor is eating a large meal BEFORE the final fitting.  These things cause “wardrobe malfunctions” in the most embarrassing of ways!  Now, I’ve not lost tremendous amounts of weight.  I’ve not dropped a size or more in the waist in the past 2 weeks.  But, the jogging has, in very short order, tightened up the tummy a little.  Now add to this a filling dinner, but spicy, well, this bloated me up a bit.  Then, Saturday Scott and I were so busy that we really didn’t eat much at all!  So my tum-tum didn’t bloat to an appropriate level to keep the pants up!

In attendance at our event were some of our oldest and newest friends from MCC Omaha.  There were three present who were at our Holy Union in 1997.  It really made Scott’s and my day just to see all these MCC’ers show up.

But on top of them, my Uncle Lyle, Missy & Jim, David & Sylvia, and Dan (Cassie’s husband) were all present.  My mom’s cousin Ron & Diane were all there (and thank goodness for that, as they told me an absolutely terrifying story that occurred just 2 weeks prior to their departure… a story about how Ron and their dog Riley were walking and were hit by a car, throwing Ron over the hood of the car, and sending both Ron & Riley to the hospital… and neither were seriously injured!  Praise God for keeping these two in God’s palm that day!)

And probably the most important dignitary in attendance Saturday was my father.  Even now, just thinking about Dad’s presence there makes me feel teary-eyed.

Life, I’ve always imagined, is like a series of circles, or spirals perhaps.  The year seems to flow for me as a circle.  Events seem to occur as a big circle, coming back on themselves to complete something that might have started ages ago. Dad’s presence at our wedding was the “coming full circle” of one of those cycles.  In March 1996 I “came out” to Mom & Dad.  I won’t go into what a horrid experience that was for all three of us.  I’ll just relate their statement “Your boyfriends or lovers or whatever will never be welcome in our home.”  After Mom & Dad moved back to Iowa in 2003, that claim seemed to be a distant memory to them.  Or perhaps they just were not able to get connected to the fact that Scott was my “boyfriend, lover or whatever”.  But there was no doubt that Dad knows precisely the nature of Scott and my relationship now.  And so, for Dad to actually instigate our wedding plans and to be in attendance was definitely the close of that circle of events for me.

I do wish Mom could have been there Saturday as well.  And in truth I believe she was.  Her spirit was certainly with me that night, and I could feel her pride in what we were doing.  As I know God was present, and Sophia, God’s Holy Spirit, too was present, blowing in the gentle breezes that night… my friend the breeze was there as well.

I told everyone present how important it was to me for Dad to be present.  That was my speech… that Dad has always been the living example of love for me, the epitome of marital love, and that through Dad’s example of love, I mirrored my own relationship with Scott.  And it made Dad cry.  Why do we late until it’s too late, or perhaps almost too late, to tell those we love the importance they’ve had in our lives?  That they are roll models and examples of all that is good and holy in life?

For love is holy.  It is without doubt the most powerful force in the universe.  It is God, and where there is love, God is always there.  Scott and I know this in our lives and in our relationship.  The power of love casts out all fear and the power of love makes our lives and our relationship just so right.

thoughts on marriage

27. May 2009 · 1 comment · Categories: Our Life Together, Ramblings

In just two short weeks (plus a couple of days) Scott and I will be getting married.  What started out to be a SMALL event, just a handful of people – most of whom would be my Dad and his side of the family – were expected to be invited, the anticipated size has grown to close to 50!  I was utterly stunned to receive an email from my Mom’s cousin Ron and his wife Diane saying that they were revising their summer plans in order to be in the area for the wedding!

The past couple of weeks we’ve made appointments with our pastor, arranged for a location… Castle Unicorn near Glenwood, Iowa, designed and printed invitations, and arranged for a cake.  This weekend, Scott and I will be picking out our wardrobe.  At this point, we’re planning on going the whole route and renting tuxedos… one of us will wear black, the other black pants with white coat.  Or so we think as of right now!  We still have to figure out the details of the reception itself (no champagne, bubbly cider instead.)

We are so excited by what’s about to happen.  We are getting married, as millions/billions of couples have for thousands of years.  But we’re also on the cusp of history.  We’re part of the MAKING of history.  That’s not lost on either of us.

But our joy is tempered today.  Yesterday, the California Supreme Court upheld Proposition H8.  I fully expected them to.  On the face of it, a court whose purpose is to interpret constitutional law, not impose it’s own will, had no other choice than to uphold this h8ful amendment to the constitution of California.  I am so happy that in doing so, the same court upheld the legitimacy of those 18,000 marriages performed prior to 11/4/2008.

What concerns me about this is the precedent set.  This proposition has permitted a small majority to relegate millions of people to second class status.  However you spin it, 4% is a small margin.  Frankly, in my opinion, far from protecting marriage from some imaginary threat, Proposition H8 diminishes marriage for all people, gay and straight alike.  It removes from the marital equation the concept of love, and limits the importance of marriage to mere biological breeding.

And I’d be less than truthful if I didn’t admit that the passing of Proposition H8 and it’s upholding by the CSS creates for me the spectre of what might occur in Iowa.  We now have legal same-sex marriage in this state.  So did California one year ago.  In Iowa, we know we have a minimum of three years before this right could face the vote of the people.

I have mixed emotions about that.  On the one hand, I do not believe my rights should ever hinge upon the will of a small majority of misguided people.  On the other hand, I also do not wish to prevent the people from addressing this situation.  The next three years must be, for us and for our allies, a time to educate everyone we know.  We can not afford to be silent.

date set

05. May 2009 · 1 comment · Categories: Our Life Together

Scott and I have set the date for our Iowa wedding!

We had hoped to hold our celebration on August 9, but it turns out that 3 of the more important participants, namely the Pastor, Scott and I, will not be anywhere near Iowa on that date.  As we perused the various dates this summer, it turned out that just about every weekend for one reason or another just won’t work for us!

So, we have settled on June 13, 2009, at 5 p.m. for the big day!  Location hasn’t yet been determined, but it will be within 30 miles of Council Bluffs, in order to make it easier on everyone.

We’ve already been blown away by the interest of family of friends.  In addition to Dad (whose interest instigated these plans), my Uncle Lyle, and cousins Missy & Jim, Dave and Sylvia, and Cassie & Dan have all expressed interest and indicated they plan to be there.  It’ll definitely be good to have family present!  We also anticipate numerous of our friends from MCC Omaha will be present!

Guess that’s pretty much all for THIS post.  I’ll likely have another post today or tomorrow on other topics!

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