One of the things I’ve heard over and over… and it’s generally a truism… is that we shouldn’t let what others think of us worry us.
And yet, I think it’s pretty obvious that is easier said than done! For better or worse, unless one is willing to completely disengage from the world, what others think about us does influence us and does impact us. This came home to me this week as part of our latest assignments in “Creating a Life that Matters”, the class that Scott and I are taking through our Church.
As part of the homework last week, we were asked to consider every person in our class, and to write down two words for each of them. The first word was to be an emotion that the individual invokes in us when we see them. The second word was to be an essence or quality that the individual brings to our community or our church.
In class last night, we wrote these words down on a sticky note, and then attached that sticky to a sheet of paper for each individual so that they could see these words… though not necessarily who put those words down. And so, I got to see what others think of me. In a way, it was an eye opener!
Now first of all, some of the emotion “words” aren’t really “emotions”, as such. But they are all feeling words.
The emotions I elicit in others are: confidence, tranquility, good, friendship/family/love, awakened, knowledge joy, happy, serious & gentle. In addition, two individuals said hesitance, hesitation. Those last two really threw me off! To be quite honest, they effected me enough that I was unable to complete the remainder of the exercise! But I think it’s probably true. There are times I arrive at church, and my “shields” are completely down, I’m approachable, and outgoing. Other times, those “shields” are at maximum… a proton torpedo could never penetrate! I’m not really sure what to do about that. Some days I feel in a very friendly, outgoing, even “pranksterish” mood. Other days, I’m serious and withdrawn. My own emotions are pretty much a badge on my sleeve. People can see very much where I am. But folks might not really “see” that badge until we actually interact. The fact of the matter is, when I’m in the "outgoing” mood, I welcome people to jump in and join with me! And even more important, when I’m in the serious/withdrawn mood, what I really would welcome is for people NOT to honor that mood, but to just challenge me on my behavior… again, I know that’s easier said than done!
The qualities that people feel I bring to our church and community really kind of surprised me, but for some reason, I really don’t have any problem “owning” them! I may disagree with some, but I can see how/why others might see these in me. Spirituality (3 people), intelligence (2), knowledge (2), strength, listening, faith, authenticity, enlightenment. I wonder if the “authenticity” isn’t tied in with the “hesitancy” issue. I seldom, if ever, hide myself from others. When I’m in a bad mood, I don’t hide it! I feel no desire at church to pretend to be what someone else thinks I should be as a Christian or as anything else. I am, ultimately, who I am. Others need to accept that or get out of my way! When I feel something, when I experience something, I will express that. Sometimes, later, I’ll come back and apologize for that… if I truly feel an apology is warranted. Though, I do think I have learned, by and large, to try to avoid hurting others in my “in-your-face-ness”. Sometimes, I just don’t succeed!
There’s a lot of good in those qualities. And in fact, there’s a lot of good in the emotions I elicit in others. I think, as I evaluate them all, I can “own” all of them! And, knowing the two “negatives”, if negative they are, and to the degree that they ARE negative, is good, too. Without sacrificing my “authenticity”, I can strive to help others feel less “hesitant”.
At least, I hope I can!