On & Off the Road

Yeah, ok. I’ve munched on that previous post for nearly a week, and it’s pretty obvious I’m full of it.

“I don’t consider myself a Christian…” “I profess faith in Jesus…”

What is that?!?! Mindless intellectualizing, I guess. Sigh. Yeah, so it’s pretty obvious to me I’m a Christian… no matter what I may choose to call it.

I think what I was really trying to say is that there’s this dichotomy between my BEING a Christian, and the fact that every time I hear someone ELSE self identify as a Christian, I tense up… I go on high alert, the adrenalin flows. Their self-actualization irritates me.

Huh? They piss me off. What can I say?

You see the reality is I KNOW I’m a Christian. I know what I believe, and in Whom I have an overriding trust.

But I’m used to being told by all those self-identifying Christians out there that I am NOT one. That I’m going to hell. I suspect if that is true, I’ll have good company because they will all be there with me.

Then one day, long before I wrote last week’s blog, I ran into a Christian… one I’ve known a long, long time. Actually, I ran into two of them… my brothers.

We were in Puerto Vallarta on a big family outing. Outing. Huh, a good term for that week.

I’m gay. I went to PV with my partner of 8 years, my parents, my brothers and their wives, and my aunt and uncle. My brothers don’t know I’m gay.

So there we are, 5 couples enjoying the fun and the sun. My uncle went missing (he’s blind.) After locating him, everyone headed off to breakfast but Big Brother # 1 takes me aside.

“Okay, Eric, I’ve tried for 7 years to get you to let me share your life with you. So when are you going to tell me you’re gay?”

Was that a pin dropping I heard 2 miles away?

“Uh, BB#1, I’m gay.”

“It’s not like I didn’t know, One Who Writes. I figured it out in 96.”

That’s the year I gave up my lifelong dream so that I could live with the man I love.

We talked. It didn’t bother him. Didn’t offend his sense of Christian morality. Recognized that I devoted great hours to working in the vineyards, so to speak. He told me I had to tell my other brother, Big Brother # 2.

Now, that terrifies me. I’ve had a sense that if anyone would be able to accept, it’d be BB#1. But BB#2… he’s that breed of Christian that sends the blood of gay men cold. A fundamental evangelical… or at least that’s how I cubbyhole him.

I’m gay. I KNOW categorizing people is bad. I do it anyhow… do you?

I suck it up, take BB#2 for a walk. And we walk and we talk… and we talk and we walk… we get about as far up the beach as we can, and it’s time to turn back. Finally, I broach the subject.

“BB#2, BB#1 told me I have to talk with you, tell you something”

“He did, huh.” Now listen folks, I KNOW, and he knows, and what’s more he KNOWS I KNOW that he knows what this is all about. Ain’t gonna make it easy for me though.

Well, let’s make this short. I told him I was gay. He didn’t bat an eye. The world didn’t end. No peals of lightening charred him or me, for that matter. He was okay with it.

“What matters in the end is, your personal relationship with Jesus.” Well, I have that. And I think BB#2 knows I have that.

For the next 3 days, BB#1&2 along with their wives started treating SO and I differently… in a good way. Well, really, they treated him differently… like he belonged. Like he was part of a family.

And so now, we’re a big family again. And the trepidation I felt towards BB#1&2 is gone. I look forward to seeing them again.

And ya know. Maybe, Christians aren’t so bad, after all.

;D

Well, it seems to me that I created this blog for the purpose of me writing about things that are important to me. Like me. Or my other favorite topic… me. Seriously, though, me is not that important a topic.

One of the things that IS important to me, however, is religion. Spirituality, really. Religion is a bit of a downer for me.

By that, really, I just mean that it is personal relationship to Divinity that is important to me, not adherence to a set of rules and regulations pertaining to aspects of my life and established by some “church” whether or not that church believes those rules and regulations to be imposed or directed by the Divine.

So, having said that, I was driving to work the other day, as I’m wont to do, thinking of all sorts of things. It dawned on me, all of a sudden. I don’t consider myself to be a Christian.

Well, some of you may be thinking, like, “who cares. what’s the big deal?”

There is no big deal, really. I started life as a Roman Catholic. Until I was 38, I was an especially devout RC. I even was studying to be a priest. After leaving that pursuit, my relationships led me towards other denominations, and so I left the world of the RC behind, but not that of Christianity.

To this day, I am very active in a Christian church… but suddenly it dawns on my that I’m not Christian. Part of me thinks I may never have been one.

I profess faith in Jesus of Nazareth, the Christ. Beyond faith, I KNOW He lives. We talk daily, sometimes in great depth, at others well, being the air-headed blond mortal that I am, it’s not always that deep “Uh, hi. It’s me.”

Hey! Writer! Just one moment here! You just said you aren’t a Christian! Yet you just said you profess a knowledge/faith in Jesus of Nazareth, the Christ. Sounds like that’s a Christian to me!

True. It’s all part of that “I’m spiritual, not religious” argument. I cringe when people tell me they’re Christian. That interprets as “I have the right way. If you don’t believe what I believe the way I believe it then you can’t possibly be a Christian.” There’s no room in the myopic christian mind for any other perspective.

Of course, there’s that other kind of christian. You know the kind. the kind that you wouldn’t have a clue they were christian if it wasn’t for the fact they identify themselves that way, sometimes, and you’ve seen them once at a church somewhere.

Actually, I can identify with that last group, even while strongly disagreeing with them. ‘Cause what I don’t know is what’s in their hearts. Sure. They may swear like a sailor (sorry all you sea-farers out there… it’s a phrase) but then, hey, so do I!

Really, if I’m going to waste my efforts judging the faulty christianity of others, I’d much rather waste it on those who profess their christianity in such strong and strident manner, and who deny those who disagree with them their self-identity.

Now, see, personally, and I may be wrong here, but personally, I think Jesus was referring to them when he uttered that marvelous epithet “You snakes, you brood of VIPERS!” “Woe to you, , teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites!”

I know, I probably fit into that category myself. It’s hard not to, really!

No, I’m not a Christian. I’m a follower of Jesus of Nazareth, the Christ. And I’d like to think that somehow, that makes me different than those I decry.

I know lots of fellow believers… many of whom also may be Christians.

Maybe we should form a new group… a church, perhaps?

Well, okay, now that I’ve created this blogspot, I figgered I best post to it… otherwise it’d be awfully dull, no?

I think I’ve set this up for just myself. So, I’m wondering if anyone else can see it. That’d be cool, I guess. Not sure why I set it up the way I did… Hey! Leave a comment if you see this. I know it’s dumb. Don’t come here looking for deep thought on issues of politics. I despise politics. Not nearly as much as I despise politicians, though.

In fact, I’m not sure if this is the place to come to if you’re looking for anything deep. I really don’t know for sure what I’m going to write!

And, you know, you may come here for days looking for something new, only to be disappointed. Then, one day you’ll drop by… and BANG! there’ll be 10 posts just on that one day!

So, until the next time, have a great day.

(Now, leave that comment, won’t you? I’m dying to see if anyone stumbles across this space!)